My new understanding of my imaginary companion (when I was 3!😎)

I was just 26 months old when my younger brother Kerry was born. He was a premie, and apparently had some serious problems  post partum, so he was in NICU for a period of time. (The lack of detail about this crisis is a family dynamic worth discussing but at another time.) In any case, I was put in the care of a lovely and caring worman, Joyce Hilden, who was a friend of my mom's and a close neighbor just two houses away.

I have only a couple of fuzzy memories of that time: I insisted on picking out my own clothes to wear; and I became known for my oft repeated "me do myself". I also developed an imaginary companion; a large, friendly bunny named George who went everywhere with me. I talked to him, offered him food, and I think I remember saving a chair next to me at the dinner table for him to sit by me.  

George would have disappeared into the mist of history except for another interesting, kind person who crossed my path. I was a student at South Dakota State U taking a lot of psychology and child development classes and one of my favorite profs was the bearded Dr. Darryl Matter. I came to his attention when he gave a graduate child development class I was taking (in preparation for application to grad school in psychology) a creativity test: in 2 minutes list all the potential uses for a brick! 🤨 My list was 20 items and growing when the time ran out. I had the longest list so Dr. Matter had me read my list. I guess he was impressed; I know I really like him-smart, approachable, and obviously creative and flexible too. My kind of professor.

I had taken all the child development classes offered, including Nursery School Teacher practicum, and the only option left was a research project so I approached Dr. Matter to discuss my options. He had asked one of the classes I took from him if any of us had an imaginary companion, and that triggered my memory of George the oversized bunny when I was a toddler. So he proposed a survey of the parents with children in the University Preschool run by the Department and staffed by CD students to see how many children had imaginary companions and to catalogue the imaginary companions by type, duration, etc, I did but left for grad school at TCU before the paper was finished. I later learned that Dr, Matter had written the article and published it with me as second author!!  (one of my graduate school classmates at UT Southwestern had seen it in a literature review he was doing, and asked me if I was the Karlson in the Matter and Karlson article on imaginary companions?) How weird!

I was one week ago old when I had a revelation about George. I heard the Alabama  song "Angels Among Us" and shortly after that, in my prayer time, I realized that George was an angel!! Here's the lyrics...

I was walkin' home from school on a cold winter day
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way
It was gettin' late, and I was scared and alone
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, but he was standin' there
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love...

In retrospect, I had been unintentionally abandoned by my mom's difficult pregnancy (I am making a educated guess here) and then the difficult post partum complications which I assume affected both her and Kerry extended the separation from her at a critical developmental period. I know now from my extensive developmental psychology knowledge that kids who are prematurely mature and overly independent at this stage (as I was) are probably compensating for feelings of separation anxiety and abandonment. I know from my "baby book" that  I walked and talked earlier than the norms, so that may have protected me from some of the trauma. Nonetheless, Geoge/my Angel, was the comforting, loving, protective presence I needed as an under 3 year old toddler with no mom to run back to in order to "refuel" which we know kids need to develop normal emotional stability, 

The following Sunday the pastor at Gateway Church (I watch online now that I am in Madison, SD) asked how many of had a the kind of relationship with Jesus that Paul did, that is, a personal, conversational relationship. Another revelation! I realized that had one since childhood and it was normal for to talk to Jesus/God any time. Since my imaginary companion experience, I was used to talking to, and believing in, a kind, loving, large being others could not see. While I could no longer see Him either (not to worry) I could feel His presence, almost always when I paid attention to Him.

These revelations have increased my faith as I know that God has intervened in an unusual way to bring me comfort, beginning when I was just two years old. Since then, I have heard His voice clearly a hardful of times, sometimes in response to a prayer, sometimes unexpectedly. Always the messages are loving, sometimes with guidance, sometimes with "what are you doing?", sometimes with insights about my relationship to Him (a facilitator posed the question: When is God happiest with you?" and immediately I heard His voice clear as day "When you are singing"!) 

My recent revelation about the reason for Creation is just the latest after I just asked the question in my prayer time "Why did you create the Universe" and the answer came immediately "I needed to have someone to love to be fully Me". Mind blowing. God needs us as much as we need him. Love is a choice for us and Him. He chose us to love and because He's love and there is no love if there is no "beloved",  

Bottom line: I now believe that my imaginary companion George the big bunny was an angel in disguise, and that his presence was not only comforting at the time, but opened the door to lifelong expectation that Jesus was a person I could talk to long before I had any knowledge of the "giving your life to Christ" theology.