Thought for the day with Dr K

 this song describes my emotional life to a T https://pandora.app.link/aXmxxFuDb4b "Nobody sees what it demands"  Developing a new identity to minimize this and leave it behind...

 Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.  Soren Kierkegaard My recent discovery that my life time relationship pattern is a classic trauma response to early emotional neglect led me to an AI driven of the research into the health impacts of early emotional trauma. I had always believed that my heart attack at 63 was the nearly inevitable result of a family history (Grandpa Karlson died at 68 from an MI; my dad had his first MI at age 65 just 6 weeks after retirement from a job he had. held for 35 years.) The review of the research literature turned up a longitudinal study of a large sample (over 30000 people) that tied coronary artery disease (CAD), my diagnosis, to early emotional trauma by creating a chronic pattern of stress-triggered high cortisol that led to arterial stiffening and cholesterol accumulation.  My MI at age 63 two weeks after finalizing my third divorce after an extremely stressful 15 year marriage was almost inevitable it ...

 Wow those words in a random Threads post really hit me hard. I did that. I abandoned myself. After 4 divorces and failed "relationships" too numerous to mention, most of which cost a lot of money to maintain or leave, at the age of 73, I am finally realizing what I have been doing to sabotage myself.  Empathy with no boundaries. I abandoned myself just as I was abandoned at 26 months by the premature birth of my brother by parents who left me in the care of a kind stranger to focus on my baby brother who in the NICU. They certainly loved me and had no ill intent at all; they didn't know what they were doing would have such a profound and negative impact on me.  I now believe that after Kerry was released from the hospital that my mom was afflicted with post-partum depression and overwhelmed by the need to care for my fragile brother's health. I remember being very small and looking up at the edge of the kitchen counter while my mom stood at the sink crying and asking...